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Post by Ivana on Feb 8, 2009 22:48:09 GMT
Why did the tomato blush? Because he saw the salad, dressing.
Why did the Tomato go out with a prune? -Because he couldn't find a date!
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, it's because I hate vegetables! - Woody Allen
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Post by Ivana on Feb 11, 2009 13:26:52 GMT
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
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Post by pomorac on Feb 11, 2009 21:29:11 GMT
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
da mi je znati tko je ovu provalio!
''Danas smo na rubu ponora, ali uz nove mjere napravit cemo korak dalje!'' hehe...ups....
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Post by Ivana on Feb 12, 2009 10:47:22 GMT
Canada apologises to the US: A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:
Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.
I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
For 22 minutes, I'm Anthony St. George, and I'm sorry.
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Post by anita on Mar 4, 2009 21:39:47 GMT
Jedan par dodje kod psihijatra. Psihijatar ih upita:
- Kako vam mogu pomoæi? Muskarac odgovara:
- Da li nas mozete gledati dok vodimo ljubav?
Psihijatar je bio iznenadjen, ali ipak pristane.
Nakon sto je par zavrsio psihijatar kaze:
- Ali vas seks je super!! Naplati im 80 eura i oni odu.
Nakon para dana vratili su se ponovno. Nastavljalo se to iz tjedna u tjedan.
dva puta tjedno su dolazili kod psihijatra, seksali se, platili 80 eura i otisli.
Nakon nekog vremena psihijatar ih upita:
- Oprostite na pitanju, ali sta vi zapravo pokusavate?
Nista!!! odgovara muskarac, ali ona je udata i ne mozemo kod nje, ja sam ozenjen i nemozemo kod mene.
U hotelu Hollyday Inn soba kosta 200 , u Hiltonu 360 eura.
A kad dodjemo kod vas imamo: 1) Dobar alibi 2) Kosta nas 80 eura 3) Zdravstveno osiguranje nam vraæa 67,50 eura !!!!!!!!!!
*************************************** S budalama se ne isplati svaðati, jer te prvo spuste na svoj nivo a onda te dotuku iskustvom ! ***************************************
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Post by anita on Mar 5, 2009 11:11:31 GMT
Mali Perica pita svoju uèiteljicu može li razgovarati s njom poslije sata. Ona prihvati. Uèiteljica: Onda, što mi želiš reæi, Perice? Perica: Mislim da sam previše pametan da ostanem u ovom razredu, dosadjujem se. Želio bih preæi direktno u Gimnaziju. Pošto je o tome obavešten i direktor, on upita Pericu želi li polagati test. Perica prihvati bez oklijevanja i direktor poèe sa testom. Direktor: Hajde, Perice, da vidimo, 3 x 4? Perica: 12! Direktor: A 6 x 6? Perica: 36, gospodine direktore. Direktor: Glavni grad Japana? Perica: Tokio. Test se nastavlja sljedeæih pola sata, Perica ne pravi nijednu grešku! Na kraju testa, direktor je zadovoljan, ali uèiteljica pita da li ona sada može postaviti nekoliko pitanja. Obojica pristaju i ona poèinje. Uèiteljica: Dobro, Perice. Krava ih ima 4, a ja ih imam 2, šta je to? Perica: Noge, gospodjo. Uèiteljica: Toèno. Što ima u tvojim hlaèama, a u mojim ih nema? Direktora iznenadi pitanje... Perica: Džepovi, gospodjo. Uèiteljica: Dobro, Perice. Gdje žene imaju najkovrèavije dlake? Direktor se sprema intervenirati kada Perica odgovori. Perica: U Africi, gospodjo. Uèiteljica: Što je meko, ali, na rukama žene, postane tvrdo? Direktor razrogaèi oèi, ali Perica odgovora. Perica: Lak za nokte, gospodjo. Uciteljica: Što muškarci i mi žene imamo na sred nogu? Perica: Koljena! Uciteljica: Dobro. A što udana žena ima šire od neudane? Direktor ne može verovati svojim ušima! Perica: Krevet, gospodjo. Uèiteljica: Koji dio mog tijela je èesto najvlažniji? Perica: Vaš jezik, gospodjo. Uèteljica: Koja rijeè poèinje slovom "p" a oznaèava nešto što može biti vlažno ili suho i što muškarci vole gledati? Perica: Put! Direktor, bez daha, sav mokar od znoja, odluèi prekinuti test i uzvikne: Neæu te poslati u gimnaziju, veæ direktno na fakultet! Èak bih i ja odgovorio pogrešno na sva pitanja iz testa... Pouka: Èovjek s godinama postaje PERVERZAN
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Post by skitnica on Mar 5, 2009 11:31:56 GMT
Prodavacica na pijaci vice: Cernobiljske jabuke, Cernobiljske jabuke! Prilazi joj covjek i pita je: -Da li si ti zeno, normalna? Zasto govoris da su jabuke cernobiljske? Ko ce ti kupiti takve jabuke? -Aaa, kupuju, kupuju, neko za zeta, neko za svekrvu, neko za snaju, Srbi za Albance, Hrvati za Slovence,... kupuju, kupuju . ..
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Post by anita on Mar 5, 2009 14:05:25 GMT
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb). The average man's thingy is three times the length of his thumb. Human thighbones are s.er than concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. Women blink twice as often as men. The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain. Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still. If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are probably still busy checking their thumbs.
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Post by snjezana on Mar 5, 2009 15:15:10 GMT
anita ;D
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Post by Ivana on Mar 10, 2009 15:12:48 GMT
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa..' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the Feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As s oon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won!
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Post by anita on Mar 12, 2009 10:50:29 GMT
Dosao Mujo kuci nakon pola godine sa baustele u Njemackoj, opalio bi Fatu al ne mogu se nikako oslobodit djece. Dosjeti se on pa kaze Fati: - Kad budemo rucali ti se kao slucajno polij juhom pa idi u kupaonu, a ja cu za tobom. I tako jedu oni a Fata tanjur juhe pa u krilo i otrci u kupaonu, ustane Mujo i ode za njom. Nema njih nazad i ode jedno od djece vidit di su tako dugo. Poviri kroz kljucanicu, dotrci nazad i uplaseno sjedne za stol. Pitaju ga ostali sta je, a on ce: - Ko prolije juhu, jebat ce ga babo.
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Post by pomorac on Mar 14, 2009 22:30:19 GMT
CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!' Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really Sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house' ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by skitnica on Mar 24, 2009 15:15:20 GMT
Starost - mudrost
Imao jedan farmer farmu kokosaka i samo jednog, vec ostarjelog pijetla. Kupi on novog pijetla i pusti ga u kokosinjac. Naravno, pogadjate, najzanimljiviji je bio susret starog i novog pijetla:
Pridje stari mladom i rece:
- E, 'ajde da se dogovorimo, jeste da si nov, al' evo: pola koka tebi, pola meni ? - Ma hajde matori, tvoje vrijeme je proslo, sve koke su moje !
- Dobro, mlad si, uzmi sve, al' ostavi mi bar dvije koke, one najstarije... - Ma cujes sto ti kazem matori - brisi. Ne dam ti ni jednu jedinu !
- Dobro, daj da se dogovorimo... Evo, da se trkamo do onog plota, pa ako ti stignes prvi tebi sve koke, a ako ja stignem prvi, meni das samo dvije najstarije. - Hm, 'blesav si, nemas sansi, al' 'ajde !
- E, al' da mi das 5 metara fore, ipak star sam... - Dobro, eto ti i tih 5 metara, opet nemas sansi !
I krenuli oni trcati, stari pijetao prvi, a za njim onaj novi, a sve to gleda farmer, i iznenada uleti u kucu, zgrabi pusku i ubi onog mladog pijetla: - Majku mu jebem, treci peder ovaj tjedan!!!
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Post by snjezana on Mar 24, 2009 15:38:34 GMT
anita, pomorac, skitnica - ;D ;D ;D
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Post by pomorac on Mar 24, 2009 15:39:26 GMT
Zašto krave pasu travu? Jer nemaju ruke da smotaju. Pomoc ;D ;D
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